Good Things Happen

Hello Peeps! I know it’s been such a long time since I’ve blogged and I definitely missed it. Things have been on super duper mode ’round these parts. I’m on my last 395 hours of school and I’m counting down every day. So many great things have been going on musically and creatively that I am really excited about.

The other things I’ve been crazy busy with is making a baby.

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We are expecting!!!

It’s a very interesting story and nothing short of a miracle. I’ll let you in on the details later. We are so excited to share this news with you all. You have been such a great comfort to me in this journey; I could never repay you all for your kind words, messages, and encouragement.

Now that I’m out of the first trimester and a lot less exhausted, I’ll be around a little more often.

Until then,
See ya later, Alligator!

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Inspirational Quotes

I’m a sucker for a great quote. But sometimes, things need to go straight to the point. So in light of great quotes, here is a very succinct and necessary one, by yours truly, that can save a life. Feel free to Pin it, share it, repost it. You never know who will see it and because of your generosity, they can avoid a potential disaster.

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The Need to Understand

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Why is it that we feel the need to give a reason as to why something undesirable happened? I wonder if it is because we are afraid of the unknown. Or is it that we are seeking for control that we don’t actually have? Since my miscarriages, I’ve been learning quite a bit about myself. I’m learning how important it is to be okay with not having all of the answers. If you knew me, you’d know that this is monumental. I search for understanding. Knowledge is something that I seek after and I hope for it all to be seasoned with wisdom. But I’m now learning how to continue without it. I’m not saying that I won’t continue to look to understand things where I can, but it isn’t as necessary for me to make sense out of the undesirable things that happen in my life. The few things I’ve been able to ascertain is that I am stronger than I ever thought possible, softer and more vulnerable than I realized, and passionate about the hearts and experiences of others. I may never understand why I am going through what I’m going through. There may even come a day where the desire to know why will overtake me again. But if that day comes, the one thing that I can point back to is hope.

Never Give Up

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I can remember, as a kid, hearing older folks say “Life is like a bed of roses.” This statement has never felt truer to me than now. Honestly, these days, I am able to smell and see the beauty of the flowers. But for me personally, it’s mixed with the prickling of the thorny stem. I was thinking very deeply about life yesterday and I realized that at this point, most of my life was lived as a survivor. In the last 6 years, I’ve been learning the gloriously painful lesson of thriving. I’ve been learning how to really enjoy the one life that I’ve been given.

I actually have a very large appreciation for life. As a child, I had a very unsafe and violent upbringing. Many times, I wasn’t sure that I would survive the night. I didn’t live in the projects. I didn’t live in places that were perceived as dangerous. I lived in what could be thought of as a nice warm house with a nice warm bed. But almost everyday, I had to fight for my life. I had to watch every word, every gesture, every everything for fear of being brutalized. It’s funny how the people that see you often, don’t even know you or your story. Many people had no idea that these things were happening regularly; that we were regularly running out of our house scantily clothed at late and early hours just to save our lives from the monster living in our home. But, I survived.

Survival is one thing I know how to do very well. Too well. It’s a very familiar friend. But, over the years, I’ve come to realize that although I’ve fought so hard to save my life, I lose it by not living it. This is partially why I started this blog. I wanted a  place to share my heart, the things that I love, the things I’m learning, and the adventures of an ex-survivalist.

I was talking to a young girl at school in the recent past. She was vulgar, inappropriate, and did many things for attention. Yet, she was the first person to greet me when I walked in the door. For a few days, I watched her. I watched her say things to get a rise out of people. I saw her perform less than what she’s capable of because deep down, she was convinced that this was all she could be. The moment that broke my heart was when I heard her say “I’m bad. I’m just bad. I’ve always been bad,” as she shrugged and grabbed her cigarette. She said this in response to another girl talking about the experiences she had in high school. With tears in my eyes, I told her, “I don’t believe you.” She said, “Don’t believe what…?” I said, “I don’t believe that you’re a bad person. I think something in your life has convinced you that you’re a bad person. You might have even done some unsavory things in your past, but we all have things in our past that we’ve done.” She began to tell me about her childhood and how difficult it was. She had a very tough time at home and at school. When you grow up in a tumultuous situation, it can be difficult to realize the brighter truths.

When you’re younger, many things seem like the end of the world. Life can be extremely difficult for some. You might’ve been in a situation similar to or worse than mine. But the truth is, if you’re able to make it beyond 18, you’ve walked into an amazing opportunity. When you turn 18, everything you choose to do with your life is your choice. My turning point was when I decided that although I was abused for all my life, I wasn’t going to take over and continue the abuse to myself and to others. It hasn’t been easy going through this transformative experience, but it has been worth it.

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I’ve decided to embark on a journey of living. I’m choosing to be vulnerable. I’m choosing to dive into the things I love and to share life in all of its challenges and triumphs. I’ve decided to be loving, beautiful, and present. I’ve chosen to do, become, and treasure what I love whether trivial or deep. Although the rugged moments still happen, I’m going to continue to choose these things. I will never give up. I will never give up on myself. I will never give up on my goals and dreams. I will never give up on the people I love. I will never give up faith and hope.

Someone in this extra large tiny world loves you more than you know and treasures you beyond what you could imagine. You are worth trying for. Don’t give up.