The Need to Understand

Why is it that we feel the need to give a reason as to why something undesirable happened? I wonder if it is because we are afraid of the unknown. Or is it that we are seeking for control that we don’t actually have? Since my miscarriages, I’ve been learning quite a bit about myself. I’m learning how important it is to be okay with not having all of the answers. If you knew me, you’d know that this is monumental. I search for understanding. Knowledge is something that I seek after and I hope for it all to be seasoned with wisdom. But I’m now learning how to continue without it. I’m not saying that I won’t continue to look to understand things where I can, but it isn’t as necessary for me to make sense out of the undesirable things that happen in my life. The few things I’ve been able to ascertain is that I am stronger than I ever thought possible, softer and more vulnerable than I realized, and passionate about the hearts and experiences of others. I may never understand why I am going through what I’m going through. There may even come a day where the desire to know why will overtake me again. But if that day comes, the one thing that I can point back to is hope.

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Good Things Happen: The Kindness of Strangers

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My scarf fell off of a chair and onto the floor. A stranger kindly picked up my scarf and placed it back on my chair. This may seem very simplistic to some but we have to learn to take the time to pay attention to all of the good things that happen around us. In a culture where people are constantly talking about their ‘haters’ and such, we should learn to turn our focus toward those who love us, those who show kindness, and people who hope the for best for others.

Have you had a kind encounter with a stranger? What can you do this week to be the ‘kind stranger’ to someone else?

One Drop

 

I had the privilege of having dinner with a really great friend last night. Every time I leave her, I’m able to find more beauty in life and mankind. Let me tell you why. My friend and her husband experienced an extremely difficult loss on April 25, 2013. They met their sweet daughter much sooner than intended. They loved her in the most humbling and beautiful way that a parent loves their child and had to say goodbye in the same moment. Through their personal loss, she is starting a support group for women dealing with loss and infertility. With everything that their family has been through, she is extending her love and support to others. What could be more redeeming than that?

Sometimes we treat our lives as if our desires are the only thing that matter and our decisions don’t effect others. We don’t realize that we can actually have an affect on the world. That one decision to smile at a stranger, to be kind when no one notices, or to reach out to people in need in the face of your own suffering has a ripple effect. As much as western culture would like for us to believe that we are all independent, this simply is not true in the grand scheme of things. We are all woven together in this beautiful tapestry called Life. It isn’t always simple or easy, but the one thing we do have is each other. I’m not naive, not every person has good intentions, however, there are also very good people with good hearts out there as well. Learn to love and be loved. Give and receive. Support and be supported.

This is a beautiful explosion of a life-giving lesson that I’ve been able to learn through the life of a wee little one and her parents. I hope that a piece of our interlocked life was able to give you a glimmer of hope.

xo

P.S. You can check out their blog here.

To Those Who’ve Loved & Lost

This specific blog post goes out to those TTC-ing after loss, had to give birth to your baby knowing that you’d only have a few precious moments with them, and to those that experienced the loss of a child.

My dear friends Kara and Andy had this experience and they are sharing their process in the most authentic way through their blog Journey to Baby. I hope that this post from there blog serves as a comfort or as a way to possibly put words to help with your process. If you get a moment, please check out their blog and bid them adieu.

Everlee.

 

She was beautiful. She is my joy. Her tiny little life awakened love in me so deep it renders me breathless. We spent 5 long months together. She is the only person who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside. While every mother’s worst nightmare came true for us, I was still overwhelmed with joy and pride on the night of her birth. It was a strange feeling, like I had stepped outside of myself as I watched my family weep over her. I couldn’t really grasp in that moment why everyone was so sad. I wanted to shout, “But just look at her, she is perfect.” I waited so long to meet her and here she was in my arms. Obviously, it could go unsaid that I would have given my left arm to have waited even longer. Regardless, she is ours. Her little combinations of wonderful will never be repeated. She is a work of The Lord and we were amazed. She had Andy’s mouth and my nose. Her ears were marvelous in all their tiny folds. She had light blonde eyelashes and a dusting of the same on her head. We wondered about her hair since mine was jet black and Andy’s was blonde as a kid. She had long little legs and big feet. We laughed because her second toe was longer than her first, just like her dad. She was just under 10 inches and weighed not quite a pound. She was our tiny but perfect little girl. Sometimes, I’ll catch a glimpse of Andy and it takes my breathe away how much she looks like him. I’m so thankful for the hours we spent with her, but I could have held her forever. She isn’t a tragedy, she is our daughter. She continues to inspire me to dig deeper, be kinder, and to live in the moment. You truly never know how quickly things can change. She has brought so many amazing people into our lives and has given me a second family amongst my support group. She motivates me to help others and to share the hard stuff in life, too. I’d give anything to have her back, but until we are reunited in our restoration through Christ, I will remember her every detail. I will honor her with my tears and my laughter. I will be present. I will live with her in the deepest parts of my heart. She is my one and only, Everlee.