Sweet 28

Birthday Tiramisu

My birthday recently passed on August 14th. Now that i’m in the 28th year of my life, I’ve been re-evaluating a lot of things. I’ve thinking about my life, goals, relationships, and truly living into my passions.

28th Birthday Outfit

One of the things that I strive to do is live unapologetically. The truth is, we will all make mistakes. We will all do or have done things that we are not proud of. But I’m finding that it is way more important to not live a life that is a continual apology, but to live a life of continual forgiveness of myself and others. The older I get, the more I begin to realize the importance of building fences with gates instead of walls.

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I’m letting go of the things that I can’t change. I’m letting go of the things that I don’t have control over. I am loving, believing in, affirming, and investing in myself. I am living the truth of my life, my experiences, and my beliefs in every present moment. These are things that I am choosing to do because they are life-giving to me. I am able to disagree, with love and respect. I am practicing living a life of authority and vulnerability.

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And I love these shoes. I digress. These are all things I’ve pondered, wrestled with, and decided to live out. I’m excited for what this 28th year is unveiling. A few of my other goals consist of sharing quite a bit more and allowing much more space to create in being the artist and creative that has always been. Sweet 28.

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This Time, Then

Last year, today, was one of the happiest days of my life. Jason and I were on a mini-vacation in the mountains of Tennessee, and we found out that we were pregnant. It was a complete shock to us both. We’d already been trying for a few years, to no avail. After being diagnosed with PCOS and working hard to do all of the practical things that I could to take better care of my body, it finally happened. Every early pregnancy discomfort was the greatest joy I had ever experienced. The nausea, sore boobs, my food aversions (particularly chocolate and eggs), the tiredness, all of it. Beautiful.

Today, I am sad. I am mourning. I’m empty handed and heavy hearted. This is where I am, today. I have been pregnant twice after this loss. The second’s due date was my birthday this year. There really is no way to full describe how much this hurts, especially after such a long journey. I’m having such a difficult time emotionally because I’m trying to find healthy ways of protecting my heart, but still be in a society filled with big bellies and babies, to not allow bitterness to interfere with the parts of my heart that is so incredibly happy for the blessings of others. This balance is very difficult to maintain, without completely ignoring my own feelings and needs. Some people may never understand the plight of a woman or family that is dealing with fertility issues, and that is perfectly okay. If you’re a person that doesn’t understand and you really care to, ask. Ask how you can help. Ask if you can pray.

No matter how far in time i’m removed from these memories, it will still have a prick in my heart. They were lives that I prayed so hard for, that I would have moved mountains to have. Yet today, I sit here, empty handed and heavy hearted, holding the onesie we purchased in Gatlinburg to remind us of the day we found out that we would finally be parents.

The good thing is, there is a tomorrow. Tomorrow doesn’t make it hurt any less, but it provides me with hope for the future. Jason and I have been incredibly blessed with people that love and support us, from all walks of life. We know that we will hold our children one day. We are in grateful anticipation for the first ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat, and watching that first breath. I look forward to the day that I can tell them about all of the people that prayed, contributed, and anticipated their arrival with us.

But, for today, I will sit here, empty handed and heavy hearted for the 3 precious beings that I am so tenderly missing.

x

Outfit // Date Night + Cigarette Pants

One word of advice for you married folks: Never stop dating your spouse. Ever.

Outfit: Date Night+Skinny Jeans3

Top// Forever21  Shoes// Guess via TJMaxx  Jeans// Nine West via Marshalls Clutch// TJMaxx

I honestly didn’t even realize that Nine West made jeans until I found these cigarette pants. I actually found them on clearance so I couldn’t leave them. It’s actually pretty difficult for me to find jeans that are a good length on me without my having to roll them up. Don’t get me wrong, I like a good rolled up pant, but sometimes I want to be able to wear heels (btw, I seriously could’ve worn these shoes ALL DAY…they were so comfy) and have my jeans stop right at my ankle.

 

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Our sweet friends (with the biggest hearts and the best teeth) gave Jay and I a night out at a very delicious italian restaurant. I don’t eat pasta (that isn’t gluten free) very often, but this place has some seriously yummy food.

I think Jay had the pork loin with a grilled peach (which I ate) and roasted potatoes with rosemary. I had pasta with shrimp and a light lemon sauce. It was glorious. The atmosphere was relaxing as well. Jason was heading out on a work trip so it was the perfect time to get some face time with one another before he left and before I got busier.

 

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Sometimes we have to purposefully uncomplicated our lives and just be together. Have (or make) a meal together. Enjoy a nice glass of wine. Go for a walk and watch the sunset.

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Be weird together. xoxo

Inspirational Quotes

I’m a sucker for a great quote. But sometimes, things need to go straight to the point. So in light of great quotes, here is a very succinct and necessary one, by yours truly, that can save a life. Feel free to Pin it, share it, repost it. You never know who will see it and because of your generosity, they can avoid a potential disaster.

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