The Need to Understand

Hope Heb 6 19

Why is it that we feel the need to give a reason as to why something undesirable happened? I wonder if it is because we are afraid of the unknown. Or is it that we are seeking for control that we don’t actually have? Since my miscarriages, I’ve been learning quite a bit about myself. I’m learning how important it is to be okay with not having all of the answers. If you knew me, you’d know that this is monumental. I search for understanding. Knowledge is something that I seek after and I hope for it all to be seasoned with wisdom. But I’m now learning how to continue without it. I’m not saying that I won’t continue to look to understand things where I can, but it isn’t as necessary for me to make sense out of the undesirable things that happen in my life. The few things I’ve been able to ascertain is that I am stronger than I ever thought possible, softer and more vulnerable than I realized, and passionate about the hearts and experiences of others. I may never understand why I am going through what I’m going through. There may even come a day where the desire to know why will overtake me again. But if that day comes, the one thing that I can point back to is hope.

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