This specific blog post goes out to those TTC-ing after loss, had to give birth to your baby knowing that you’d only have a few precious moments with them, and to those that experienced the loss of a child.
My dear friends Kara and Andy had this experience and they are sharing their process in the most authentic way through their blog Journey to Baby. I hope that this post from there blog serves as a comfort or as a way to possibly put words to help with your process. If you get a moment, please check out their blog and bid them adieu.
She was beautiful. She is my joy. Her tiny little life awakened love in me so deep it renders me breathless. We spent 5 long months together. She is the only person who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside. While every mother’s worst nightmare came true for us, I was still overwhelmed with joy and pride on the night of her birth. It was a strange feeling, like I had stepped outside of myself as I watched my family weep over her. I couldn’t really grasp in that moment why everyone was so sad. I wanted to shout, “But just look at her, she is perfect.” I waited so long to meet her and here she was in my arms. Obviously, it could go unsaid that I would have given my left arm to have waited even longer. Regardless, she is ours. Her little combinations of wonderful will never be repeated. She is a work of The Lord and we were amazed. She had Andy’s mouth and my nose. Her ears were marvelous in all their tiny folds. She had light blonde eyelashes and a dusting of the same on her head. We wondered about her hair since mine was jet black and Andy’s was blonde as a kid. She had long little legs and big feet. We laughed because her second toe was longer than her first, just like her dad. She was just under 10 inches and weighed not quite a pound. She was our tiny but perfect little girl. Sometimes, I’ll catch a glimpse of Andy and it takes my breathe away how much she looks like him. I’m so thankful for the hours we spent with her, but I could have held her forever. She isn’t a tragedy, she is our daughter. She continues to inspire me to dig deeper, be kinder, and to live in the moment. You truly never know how quickly things can change. She has brought so many amazing people into our lives and has given me a second family amongst my support group. She motivates me to help others and to share the hard stuff in life, too. I’d give anything to have her back, but until we are reunited in our restoration through Christ, I will remember her every detail. I will honor her with my tears and my laughter. I will be present. I will live with her in the deepest parts of my heart. She is my one and only, Everlee.